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Cross Afire #17: How Liberal is John Kerry?

Cross Afire #16: Spider-Man: Democrat or Republican?

Cross Afire #15: Eulogy for George W. Bush, 2024 AD

Cross Afire #14: Gated Communities at Home and Abroad

Cross Afire #13: Brown Men in Prison - Welcome to Abu Ghraib!

Cross Afire #12: I Don't See Dead People

Cross Afire #11: Pat, You're Fired!

Cross Afire #10: Mercenaries in Iraq - Pat Goes Commando

Cross Afire #9: Unifished Business - President Roosevelt vs. Mexico

Cross Afire #8: Voting for Kerry - A Vote for Terrorism?

Cross Afire #7: Gay Marriage - A Modest Compromise

Cross Afire #6: Pat and Jerry vs. Gay Marriage

Operation Iraqi Trashcan: More U.S. Propaganda Leaflets

Playing the Hitler Card

Cross Afire #5: Donald Rumsfeld Discovers Catch 22

Cross Afire #4: Jerry Falwell On The Koran

Cross Afire #3: Pledging Allegiance: The Geometry of God

Archive: Gulf Crisis Coloring Book (Dec 1990)

Cross Afire #2: Black Men In Prison - How Many Is Too Many?

Operation Afghan Litterbug: U.S. Propaganda Leaflets

Cross Afire #1: Donald Rumsfeld - American Hero?

Osama Video Fakery

American Crusade Trading Cards

Osama Interview

Therapy for W

Mark Twain: The War Prayer

Editorial: Newspeak, Please

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"Well, Rumsfeld was saying that we needed to bomb Iraq and we all said, 'No no, al Qaeda is in Afghanistan. We need to bomb Afghanistan.' Rumsfeld said, 'There aren't any good targets in Afghanistan and there are lots of good targets in Iraq.' I said, 'Well there are lots of good targets in lots of places but Iraq had nothing to with it.' [...] What I said was, you know, invading Iraq or bombing Iraq after we're attacked by somebody else, it's akin to, what if Franklin Roosevelt after Pearl Harbor instead of going to war with Japan said, 'Let's invade Mexico.' It's very analagous." - former anti-terrorism advisor Richard Clarke, 60 Minutes interview (21 Mar 2004).

CROSS AFIRE:

America's Far-Right Debate Show!

Episode #9
Unfinished Business: President Roosevelt vs. Mexico


Cross Afire #9: Unfinished Business: Franklin Roosevelt vs. Mexico
Script by F. Mellish and Kinbote Art by Kinbote

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Transcript of Cross Afire #9:
Unfinished Business: Franklin Roosevelt vs. Mexico

Jerry Falwell: Richard Clarke, anti-terrorism advisor to the last four presidents, appeared last week on 60 Minutes, where he claimed that President Bush fighting al Qaeda by invading Iraq is like President Roosevelt responding to Pearl Harbor by invading Mexico. Pat, what do you think?

Pat Buchanan: I agree! We should invade Mexico immediately! We'll take back our stolen American jobs -- and take their factories too! Osama habla espanol!

Jerry: Goodbye, outsourced jobs! Hello, insourcing! We'll follow the stolen jobs to find Osama. Next stop: India!

Pat: He's probably doing telephone support at an outsourced terrorist call center... fielding 911 calls!

Pat and Jerry: IT ALL MAKES SENSE!

Pat: So if al Qaeda is answering telephones in India...

Jerry: Scramble the jets! We begin bombing Syria in five minutes!

Pat: God bless America!

Copyright 2004 by the Infinite Jest Satire Collective: www.infinitejest.org