Mere days after September 11, 2001, Jerry Falwell shocked the world by blaming pagans, feminists, homosexuals and the ACLU for bringing God's wrath upon America. Fittingly, parodists and satirists rose to the challenge and pilloried him in their art. But Falwell, ever crafty, plotted revenge. A year later on October 6, 2002, Jerry Falwell launched a sneak attack: on national television, he declared the Islamic prophet Mohammed a terrorist. In addition to sparking riots in India that left 8 dead, parodists and satirists worldwide were knocked reeling by the blow. Many ground their pencils into sawdust and quit the art; dozens committed suicide. But the Infinite Jest will not submit. Impossible though the task may seem, The Jest will continue to exaggerate Falwell's bigotry for purposes of social critique until the bitter end. And so we present...

CROSS AFIRE:

America's Far-Right Debate Show!

Episode #4:
Jerry Falwell on The Koran

• Cross Afire #17: How Liberal is John Kerry?
• Cross Afire #16: Spider-Man: Democrat or Republican?
• Cross Afire #15: Eulogy for George W. Bush, 2024 AD
• Cross Afire #14: Gated Communities at Home and Abroad
• Cross Afire #13: Brown Men in Prison: Welcome to Abu Ghraib!
• Cross Afire #12: I Don't See Dead People
• Cross Afire #11: Pat, You're Fired!
• Cross Afire #10: Mercenaries in Iraq: Pat Goes Commando
• Cross Afire #9: Unfinished Business: Franklin Roosevelt vs. Mexico
• Cross Afire #8: Voting for Kerry: A Vote for Terrorism?
• Cross Afire #7: Gay Marriage: A Modest Compromise
• Cross Afire #6: Pat and Jerry debate Gay Marriage
• Cross Afire #5: Rumsfeld Discovers Heller's Catch 22
• Cross Afire #4: Jerry Falwell On The Koran
• Cross Afire #3: Pledging Allegiance: The Geometry of God
• Cross Afire #2: Black Men In Prison: How Many Is Too Many? (guest: Jesse Helms!)
• Cross Afire #1: Donald Rumsfeld: American Hero?

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Pat Buchanan: Thank you for tuning in. Tonight we present, er...

Jerry Falwell: Our best damn episode ever!

Pat: ...a very special Cross Afire. Here's the problem--

Jerry: It's a BLESSING!

Pat: ...the problem is that talk shows are booking their slots more lopsidedly with right-wing guests than ever before. This is good, but conservative guests are suddenly in short supply!

Pat: Jerry and I swore long ago we'd open a popsicle stand in Hell before we'd ever allow a liberal guest on Cross Afire...

Adolf Hitler: Grape again? Shazbat!

Pat: So tonight we are stuck with--

Jerry: Cross Afire is PROUD TO PRESENT!

Pat: Tonight you will witness Cross Afire's very own Jerry Falwell tapdancing on the Koran.

Jerry, singing in top hat with cane:

Hello Mohammed,
Hello my Allah,
Hello my Islam pal!

Hear that angelic choir:
Baby, your mosque's on fire!

If you refuse God
Just like the Jews' fraud
Then you'll all burn in hell!

It's where you terrorists go:
Hot furnace down below!

So con-vert right now;
Don't be Shiite now!
Turn to the Christ above!
Or suf-fer our bombs of looooooooovve!

Pat: For purposes of fatwa, my name is Steven Spielberg.

Jerry: And I'm Molly Ivins.

Pat: We must now go baptize throngs of happy converts--

Jerry: And pick up my Nobel Peace Prize!

Pat: Join us next time for a normal episode of Cross Afire.

Jerry: God bless!